Do you often find yourself off mood and thinking of things that are out of your control. It happens to me so often, and when it does, it crumbles the little spirit and strength I have to stand up and show up every other time am needed. Needless to say , I fall victim of my expectations and the experiences I have had to live, again thinking of what went wrong and how many times I failed myself in all what I thought I would accomplish. It’s a hard experience thinking about it, because in the outside you are kinda okay and energised but deep down you are oozing blood profusely. It’s typical for people to say, accept the decree of God, but that sounds like a cliché to me , don’t confuse me for not being a believer, I accept the Decree of God and adhere to it religiously, it’s only that this feeling sweeps you off your feet and gets you thinking, what if ? In the end , you become a wrecked ship. I rarely share this feeling out, it’s like I am okay and yet I am not okay. So today I got to share it with somebody, who thinks it’s cool and normal , I was afraid to open up because most people would listen to judge and not to hear , advise and find a solution, it’s amazing the energy that this person has put into my story and made me feel like am not fighting the battle of my thoughts alone and there is always someone who is willing to listen and care. We all break down sometimes, we all lose interest, we all feel like we are horrible and suck in one thing or another, it’s not that we are loosing focus, it’s only a chance to gain momentum and looking into the positive side of life. Working harder and realizing that , what doesn’t kill you , makes you stronger, and with no doubt, Qadar/destiny/Fate or our decree by God is just a moderation and equalizer to our overly ambitious thoughts and dreams that might not bear fruit or follow course as we please.
-Omar Abdhallah.
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